current location: work cubicle
current mood: dizzy
current song: Paps 'N' Skar - Loving You
i don't know why im feeling dizzy this early morning, did i wake up in a rush?
tsk. i remembered grumbling to dad...he was nagging here and there. TSK.
I just hate him nagging so much in the morning. i was spewing nonsense too...i've been in a bad mood these few days, probably maybe due to pre-period symptoms haish. Seriously i get ticked off easily, so stay away from me.
I got scolded by mum and dad last friday for being terribly late and i got in a terrible fix for making my sister wait for me so long. I don't know i just felt helpless and i can't help crying. I cried so much, too much that my eyes hurt when it closed and i had difficulty sleeping too. They didn't even wanna talk to me. Her words kept on ringing in my ears 'You made your sister wait like a bloody fool!' I still feel so terrible thinking about it. And it's even harder to please them after you committed something wrong. I was trying sooo hard to make them talk to me back. I haven't even told leon that i'm somehow barred from meeting him often, i gotta concentrate on my new job now. I don't want to break Dad's trust in me, i don't wish to disappoint him. Saturday was worse. Dad brought the whole family out along with granny and uncle..we went to visit one of his friends who was having chalet at Changi bungalow...and we drove around the airport and had late dinner at East Coast, that was when...Leon called. I dont know how and what happened. His call rang on dad's hp...mum wanted so much to pick up, i was sooo afraid if he would get scolded. Haish...dad's face was even more grimmer...Layla just looked at me, her whole face read 'You are soooo dead.' I almost can't breathe. I was already feeling depressed, dad and mum being terribly cold towards me then now this. Haish...it's pure torture for me.
This month is terrible for me. But i seriously felt better after crying so much. Deylan left me a text message on friday night, leaving me crying so much again. He really knows what i am feeling, no matter where am i, no matter how much i try to hide. He knows me so much and he knows how to give me strength to pull me up again. I'm sorry Deylan for not being there for you all the time, but i really am trying my best to go forward. Because i can't give up now, life is really harsh on me at times but it's also time for me to test my endurance and patience. That's why you're my buddy, you know me best. At times, i can't understand what you're trying to do with me but i know what's inside your heart. We know each other too well, that's why we promised not to go away from each other. You know deylan, mum did once tell me not to waste my time on guys like you. Haha...external features doesn't matter to me, it's what matters inside isn't it? I don't care how you look like or whether you're fat or ugly...it's the inside of you that tells everything about you. Everyone's not perfect including yourself.
I've been spending alot for the whole family during the weekends just to redeem myself again. Haha it's alright i guess. I wanna go watch a movie!!!! Dad and mum are gonna go to the theaters today, damn...leaving me all alone. Seeing my empty work table now is so awkward haha, reminds me of the first time i stepped in MCYS. Memories lena, i'm really gonna miss this place. ='[ Everyone's not willing to see me go haha...everyone moves on i guess. It's prime time for me to make some achievements for myself. I thought of going to Kaplan's campus one of these days to check on the enrollment of the students, i've decided to further my studies there. Yesterday's lesson was freaking pathetic and BORING!!!! Maybe it was right of me to come to class late haha...he was going thru on how to do citations and referencing for the assignment. WTF. That's the basic a student should be equipped when he/she is in the BTEC program...everyone knows Harvard referencing. He didn't even go thru properly. I was soooo mad that i just had to call mum to pick me up after break. So i left at before 9pm haha..i had to crack up an excuse to him...Alan just kept staring in my eyes when i told i had to go. Damn it, pervert! I hate it when he was staring at my legs and heels yesterday argghhh!!! I didnt dare tell Dad, i'm sure he'll hunt Alan down if that were to happen. But i admit i was looking nice yesterday. Everyone in office called me 60's babe teacher haha XD. I was wearing this pink shirt and white skirt, tucked in...with a belt in between. Old school aye, dad didn't say that the skirt was short..maybe he didn't noticed. Hehe...XD Alan forgotten to print Assignment 1 for me and i had to give my email so i could just get the soft copy,,,i bet he has a hidden agenda. BLEAH!
Alright...i'm off...my super stud..im missing you so much. Always remember that i am always here for you.
Whatever happens and i meant whatever...i will never let you go. We promised each other time and time again.
I will always love you Leon, never less. My heart only beats for you, only races fast because of you.
My husband for now and eternity.
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